Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Newmentia's Most Wanted

Is it too much to ask that teachers giving the End of Course tests follow the 30-page testing schedule that was handed out to us last month? Maybe it's just me. I had some cockamamie notion that if a student is not in my class as scheduled, and not listed as one of the testees (heh, heh, that sounds like testes if you read it out loud, nudge/wink/snort) for that class period, then I should contact the office to check on that student. Because you never know what could happen.

Some possibilities...

Student is skipping class, skinny-dipping in puddles of melted snow on the mine tailings behind the school property.

Student is behind a closed restroom stall door, kneeling in front of another student sitting on the toilet, refusing to come out when requested by the counselor, because she is comforting a fellow student.

Student is sitting in the boys' bathroom, killing time until the next class period.

Student has left the building and is hanging around at mom'n'pop grocery store until time to cross the street to school again and catch the bus home.

Student is in the girls' bathroom with his new girlfriend, who is at that moment unzipping his pants until being rudely interrupted by a female faculty member.

Student is sword-fighting with a fellow male student in the boys' bathroom.

Student is playing basketball with the PE class.

Student is playing dodgeball with the PE class.

Student is taking a shower in the locker room.

Student is busy stealing money and baseball gloves and cell phones from the locker room.

Student has left the building and is at this very minute walking home down the county road.

Yeah. All of those things have really happened at some time at the Newmentia/Basementia/Elementia school district. So pardon my tenacity in following up on an absentee who is declared by the other students to be here somewhere because they saw Student this morning. Twice today, I had to call the office to see where a couple of my wayward students might be. Twice today, it was determined that some tester had gone rogue and was giving the test different class periods that listed on our master testing schedule. The absentees were located in the testing room, in the right place at the wrong time, thanks to The Inconvenient Tester.

Forgive me for being a pain in the patooty. If it was YOUR child who was missing, wouldn't YOU want me starting the search?


Kathy's Klothesline said...

Maybe....... just don't tell me they were kneeling in the restroom "giving comfort".....

Hillbilly Mom said...

That's exactly the excuse she used. I can't make this up.