$1.99 Shipping On Christ

Quite the bargain, eh?

That's an email I got yesterday on my phone. I didn't open it. After the Gummi Mary fiasco, I didn't want to temp fate.

In other news, the class of the broken ruler denies responsibility for the missing calculator. Or cockulator, as students are wont to pronounce it in Hillmomba. According to their logic, "We may be RulerBreakers, but we draw the line at Grand Theft Calculator." Those words didn't actually flow from their oral cavities. I announced it, and they heartily agreed.

I find the situation a bit creepy. Not 'The Situation,' which is Mike and his abs, on Jersey Shore. Which is even MORE creepy, but doesn't affect me, personally. This missing calculator just might be a ploy to snag Mrs. Hillbilly Mom memorabilia for the construction of a voodoo doll. It could happen!

A few years ago, a girl on the bus snipped off a hunk of some guy's hair. When he whipped his head around and asked her what she was doing, she put her scissors in her purse, held up the hair, looked him in the eye, and gave him a Hillmomban version of bwah, ha, ha. The kids who observed the incident swore that she was going to make a voodoo doll of him.

She's the same kid who embezzled one book at a time during her stint as a library helper, until she had nigh on 100 purloined tomes for her very own home library. I have her sister in class now. She reads all the time. I want to say, "Oh, do you like to read? Do you have a lot of books at home?" But that might not be considered polite. Besides, I don't want to end up on her hit list. Which, contrary to the belief of one of last year's students, is not a list of people you want to smack.

Ah...there's something in the air. And it's not even time for the full moon yet.