A Few Things

A few things about Farmer H that bother me:

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He roots around in the bed and messes up my pillows before I get there. Then he denies it, even though I have to remove his hand and arm from the middle of my pillows before I climb into bed, lest I have a Princess and the Pea moment, and have to write a fairy tale called Hillbilly Mom and the Hidden Arm.

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He has no common sense. Not a lick. When it came to sense, he got the short end of the stick. Sorry. I heard Trisha Yearwood's "She's in Love With the Boy" on the radio last night, and I have those lyrics stuck in my head.

Exhibit A for lack of sense: returning my keys last night. I gave Farmer H my school keys (the ones that don't work once every ten years) to lock up my room when he left. The Pony and I cut out a bit early. Upon arriving home, Farmer H traipsed into the living room, stood between me and the TV, and dangled my keys on their stretchy lime-green telephone-cord-looking keychain right in front of my face.

A more sensible man might have, oh, I don't know...put them in my purse with my car keys. Not Farmer H. He declared the HE didn't know what I wanted him to do with them. But apparently he assumed that I wanted them swinging in front of my face like a bad exercise in hypnotism by a hypnotist who got the short end of the stick when it came to hypnotizing techniques.

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He set the alarm for 4:30 a.m. in order to wake up the #1 son for a practice robot tournament. The #1 son had to leave by 6:30. That meant an hour and a half of Farmer H whacking the snooze button every 10 minutes.

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Last night, I threw in a load of laundry so #1 would have the jeans he wanted to wear this morning. That was around 9:00 p.m. I do that all the time. I wash a load of clothes, and put them in the dryer as I go to bed. It's my routine during the week. No need for Farmer H to worry his pretty little head about it. But no. Last night, he hollered down to my basement lair that he had put those clothes in the dryer for me. Which is a scary event, what with Farmer H not knowing what setting I use on the dryer for those items, or what items I might have included that I would NOT subject to the dryer, but would hang to dry. The boys are lucky they are not running around today looking like Mango on SNL. When quizzed on his aberrant behavior, Farmer H replied, "I was just being nice."

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Funny how a man who doesn't know what to do with a set of keys knows the ins and outs of the Mansion's laundry room.