Monday, April 18, 2011

Beggars Twice

I do not appreciate beggars. If they can beg, they are able to perform a service and receive honest compensation.

Yesterday, The Pony and I had to run in The Devil's Playground for some Puffs with Aloe. My right nostril has changed his name to Snot Faucet. Entering The Devil's Playground has become complicated of late. No longer can you simply stroll inside, perhaps through the entrance door, perhaps through the exit. I, myself, can read and tell the difference. Approximately 80% of customers can not. Or else they have oppositional-defiance disorder. But that is not what makes entry so challenging.

A woman and some seven- or eight-year-old girls had set up a table. I do not recall what "charity" they were begging for. I walked on by. I did not even bother to explain that I only carry plastic. Plus a couple of dollar bills in case The Pony wants to play the grabber machine. I do not feel like I must justify myself. If I wanted to donate to charity, or a softball team, or a dance troupe, I would purchase their overpriced fundraiser items. Or I would write out a check for tax deduction purposes. I will not toss cash into a coffee can.

Kids should not be placed in a begging position. They're kids. They need to be home playing Barbies or shaving off the dog's fur. Don't make those kids run up to people and ask for money. It is demeaning.

After doing our business with The Devil, we headed to the movies. The Pony wanted to see Rio. At a four-way stop, more beggars appeared. This time, they were young men. In slacks, shirts, and ties. I may be off base here, but I'm thinking Mormons. I can't be sure, because they wore colored shirts, not white, and there was nary a bicycle in sight. These dudes didn't have the first clue on how to collect money at a four-way stop. They could take a lesson from the volunteer firemen with their big rubber beggar boots.

These tied beggars stood on the shoulder of the road. Not on the center line. Everybody knows that to achieve maximum beggage, you need one person on the center line of each of the four feeder roads at the four-way stop. That way, when drivers have to stop at the stop sign, a beggar is right in the driver's face, motioning to roll down the window, pointing at the boot. Nobody feels guilty about a dude on the shoulder. He's on the passenger side, for cryin' out loud. Just ignore him. And be cautious. Most women have their purses sitting on the passenger seat, or the console area. I'm so sure we're going to roll down that window and let a snatcher at our valuables.

Maybe the tied guys were not Mormons. Maybe they were just dudes in ties, out to make some quick cash. But if they were Mormons, they need to go back to the house calls on bike-back. Come to think of it, I don't remember any drop-in Mormons asking for money. They just wanted to spread their word, polite as could be. You really can't fault them for that. Just say you're not interested and watch them pedal away.

Too many people are wanting a piece of my pie. For free. Get out there and pick up trash in front of somebody's house, or walk their dog, or wash their car. Stop expecting something for nothing.


knancy said...

Be very careful, you could be overlooking the nexr Ted
Williams. Of course, maybe you should get his cell number to make sure who he is!

Mommy Needs a Xanax said...

They're out down here, too, except our beggars don't even pretend to be organized. They wait in busy parking lots until they spot a potential sucker, then hit them with a sob story like "I need cash to buy a fan belt so I can go buy baby formula on my way to visit my dying father who's also blind and hungry." They've only been out for a couple of weeks and I've already told two of them to piss off. I used to feel a little guilt if I didn't help someone, then I realized they're all full of crap. If you weren't a bottom feeder to begin with, you'd have your own fan belt money. And the government gives people baby formula, so again, it shouldn't be a reason to ask me for cash-- or at least what cash the government didn't already take from me to buy someone baby formula.

Hillbilly Mom said...

I am a well-known overlooker.

Oh, we have that scam on the parking lot of The Devil. It's a woman. She goes up to people and says she's a victim of domestic violence, and she needs a gas card. When people offer her a contact with a battered women's shelter, she's not interested. She bops off to another car and tries again. When somebody calls the police to help her, she disappears.