Saturday, April 2, 2011

HM Is B*tching It This Weekend

Farmer H and the boys are gone for the weekend, participating in the State Youth Bowling Tournament in Cape Girardeau. Or Cape, as we call it around these parts, because who wants to spell Girardeau, or even wrap your lips and tongue around it? Same way we refer to Ste. Gen, not Ste. Genevieve. Or if forced, "Saint Jinivie."

Yes, we're lazy, mealymouthed, illiterate slackers here in Hillmomba. Not that there's anything wrong with that. We're still good people. Except for those who comment on other people's breasts at the gas-station chicken counter.

With the menfolk away, I'm the man of the house. A girly-man, unschooled in the ways of plumbing and appliances and animal husbandry, though passable at remote-controlling. I've already plunged a toilet. It is so like those guys to leave me in the lurch. I've taken apart the innards of my dear Frig, whose uncomfortable rumblings and groanings led to the diagnosis of a malfunction in his ice-maker. I've skipped to the chicken house with a green and purple Easter basket and put all my eggs in it. Eggs which have now been freshly bathed and tucked into the bottom of Frig for the night.

As character in a 1950s movie, perhaps one starring Debbie Reynolds, or Tony Randall, might say, I'm batching it for the weekend. Those who know me would quibble on this pronouncement.

I'm b*tching it for the weekend.


Mommy Needs a Xanax said...

My friend from Dexter used to talk about stuff she and her friends did when they went to "Cape." It must be quite the metropolis.

Hillbilly Mom said...

Well, compared to Dexter!

Kathy's Klothesline said...

When you washed the eggs, did you leave the paper towel on the counter?

My mom was a manic housekeeper. She would let it go for quite awhile, then would go into a frenzy and clean like a maniac. Just in case her family failed to notice her efforts, she would always leave the vacuum cleaner, the broom and all her supplies out and in full view. To this day it annoys me to see cleaning supplies on display. Yes, I know this has absollutely nothing to do with your post.

Hillbilly Mom said...

I most certainly did NOT.

I let things go to make a point. Like a cup left on an end table, or a clod of mud on the kitchen floor. After a day or two, I mention that I know I didn't leave it there, so maybe someone who did should pick it up. The shaming works intermittently.