Monday, April 25, 2011

Sometimes, It's Better Not To Look

Tonight I logged in to my little Mansion, eager to please the masses with yet another tale of my jet-set hillbilly lifestyle. I perused the stats, and noted that on Easter Sunday, 46 people were lured to my super-secret exercise in how to repel readership. Silly me, expecting them to arrive all eager to read the next installment of Mrs. Hillbilly Mom's backwoods adventures.

The number one search item was: does kent on amazing race have a disease

Well. I do not know. And this is not the place to find out. Give me those Erlenmeyer flask people any day. Even the ones trying to find out how to make a bong. Because at least I can kind of understand how those people arrived at the Mansion. But yesterday's searchers were off the hook.

The number two search item was: hillbilly bat houses

I do not harbor bats. Even Animal Husbandry H does not yet cultivate a colony of bats. We used to have a next-door neighbor beside my $17,000 house in town who had an adult daughter who lived in Columbia, Missouri, with an infestation of bats in her attic. She couldn't sell the house. She couldn't exterminate the bats. They are protected. Like a vampire, once invited in, bats are the devil to keep out.

I don't know why I'm so baffled. I guess the Easter-egg batting practice brought the bat people. But it has been a while since I spoke of Kent. And now that I'm giving them air, I'm going to get their seekers again. They're still easier to reason than...

Last month's number nine search item: "national conference of bresilian bishops"

In quotes, no less. I don't remember ever mentioning anything like that. I long for the simpler days, when my all-time top ten included...

mime shirts.


Mommy Needs a Xanax said...

Bats are protected? Like, by law? I'm assuming you mean by law and not by some kind of gang they pay for protection, like the mob. But...really? A protected species?

Kathy's Klothesline said...

I suppose that ignorance is bliss, since I don't know how to do that particular search.
Bats, we do have bats here at the kampground. They come down at dusk to feed and then travel back to Graham Cave to sleep and poop. They keep the mosquito population at bay.

Sinead O'Clobber said...

Are you anywhere near Poplar Bluff? That's where my dad's from and I have some extended family members there. I had heard that a levee broke somewhere in Missouri, but I just now saw that PB is the city being affected. If you are in the area I hope you're high and dry.

labbie1 said...


How can you tell what people are searching for when they hit your blog? This is a HOOT!!!

labbie1 said...

Never mind. I figured it out. I had some gems as well. hehe

Never even looked at the stats before. Intriguing...

Hillbilly Mom said...

These attic bats, in Columbia, Missouri, were. And last summer, some of the caves were closed because people might have carried white-nose disease from the east coast to the bats. It was a freaky deal. I suppose in Mississippi, you treat your bats differently.

It's a tab on your blog when you go to post, called STATS. I did not even know it was there until several weeks ago. I don't know when it showed up. I used to use, which my child had to install for me because I was too stupid. But with switching blogs every year whether I needed to or not, it fell by the wayside.

I'm happy you enjoy your campground bats. Bless their little sleepin' poopin' hearts!

We are about 100 miles from Poplar Bluff. But the #1 son went there today for his robot team, and is going back tomorrow. I think they were going to Three Rivers Community College, which was closed due to the levee situation. However, according to people who know, the college is on the north side of town, with a big hill between it and the levee area.

You can't get much higher and drier than my Mansion. It's the getting there that's the problem. We are taking alternate routes due to our overflowing bridges.

See how much fun Blogger is for free?