Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Hen Fruit Hoarder

Here's a tip. You might want to jot down a little note-to-self.

If you have 80 eggs in your refrigerator, contained in three 18-cartons, two 12-cartons, and a small styrofoam bowl, it is considered rude to ask that no more loose eggs be stored in a bowl on the top shelf, since all the cartons take up the bottom shelf, and, well, sometimes, there is such a thing as too many eggs.

Such a request is so rude that the owner and undisputed Lord of the Eggs will gather up the three 18-packs under his arm, place the bowl of two eggs on the kitchen table, and make a hasty, not altogether pleasant exit, with a snide remark over his shoulder that, "You aren't helping me sell any!"

When I became and egg broker, I do not recall. Hauling tiny globules which need the tender care equivalent to transporting nitroglycerin is just not in the cards for my T-Hoe and the gravel road. I decree that 80 eggs is enough for anybody, and it's time to stop hoarding the hen fruit.

The Queen of Hillmomba has spoken.


Kathy's Klothesline said...

Do you have eggs at every meal? You could have boiled eggs, fried eggs, poached eggs ....... you could become the Bubba Gump of eggs and write a cookbook and open a restaurant. I can see it now. You would become more famous than Paula Deen and have your own line of eggy cookware.

DO NOT let the egg hoarder see this, he will think it to be a good idea!

Hillbilly Mom said...

No eggs every meal. Egg Hoarder H sells his creations for $1.25 a dozen. That is bargain basement pricing. I think they are more than that in the store. And these are free range chickens.

He needs to go to one of the several farmer's markets around here and jack up his price.

Mommy Needs a Xanax said...

I love yard eggs. They are so much better than store bought ones. I can't have any chickens here bc we live in the city limits, but I had a connection on some yard eggs-- $2 a dozen-- but I've lost touch with the lady. I'm jealous of your abundant supply. And I wish you lived nearby.

Hillbilly Mom said...

The yard eggs are definitely more tasty. They have that darker yolk and thinner shell.

Yes, it's a pity we don't live closer. We could spend our days reminiscing about lunch ladies and student foibles and waistboobs and such.

Stewed Hamm said...

Lord of the Eggs, eh?

Three eggs for the Landstealers, hoarding the sky,
Seven for the Do-nots in their halls of stone
Nine for chickens and rabbits doomed to die
One for the Farm Lord on his Mini-Mansion's throne.
In the land of Hillmomba where the Stevens even.

One Egg to rule them all, One Egg to find them.
One Egg to bring them all and in the darkness bind them
In the land of Hillmomba where the Stevens even.

Yeah, I couldn't help myself there.

Hillbilly Mom said...

Ahh! The return of The Hammster! The man who posts once every 12 months whether he needs to or not.

Stew, do you frequent our old pal, now known as MommyNeeds? She's in the sidebar. Seems like only yesterday that we all came up together, scrabbling for purchase on the slippery slopes of the Big Blogger House.

Thank you for that egg ode.