When your are standing in the kitchen of the Hillbilly Mansion, it's better to give than to receive.
My mother brought The Pony home from a day of lounging about in her recliner, gobbling up high-speed internet and Captain D's breadsticks. He loves to go to Grandma's house. According to Grandma, she barely knows he's there. He kicks off his shoes, reclines, and opens up his laptop. Every now and then, when she asks if he's hungry, he will accept noodles and butter, macaroni and cheese, cereal and milk, or ice cream. He has been known to tell her, "Grandma, you can go upstairs and have a nap." She thinks maybe that's a hint that she's talking too much.
I drive The Pony to town. Sometimes I pick him up. Sometimes Chauffeur H can be roped into it. Every now and then, the #1 son is sentenced to the task. If the weather is good, I allow Grandma to return The Pony. Of course I must provide her with perks for her trouble. She does so much for us, I can't let her go home empty-handed.
Today's swag included:
*1 banana, mostly brown
Grandma prefers them that way. Really.
*1 National Enquirer
Grandma needs to know that Oprah is moving Stedman into her mansion, and that Gayle is livid.
Grandma passes these on to her old lady friends. The first one works the crossword. About 10 people end up reading these magazines. I get my money's worth. And I look charitable.
*4 Entertainment Weekly mags
Who doesn't like glossy pictures of beautiful people?
*1 ear of corn-on-the-cob
We already ate the other four. Grandma won't buy this for herself.
*1/3 container of gas station chicken slaw
It's only from yesterday. No need to let it go to waste.
*1 slice of longhorn cheese
Grandma would not buy this, either. But she will eat it.
Now you see why it's better to give than to receive at the Mansion. One hillbilly's garbage is another hillbilly's dinner and entertainment.