Saturday, July 23, 2011

On The Road Again

I know that I have an issue. I go on about this subject all the time, on this blog and my super-secret blog. But I can't emphasize enough: STAY OUT OF THE ROAD UNLESS YOU ARE IN A PROPER AUTOMOTIVE VEHICLE.

Now my fingers are hoarse from shouting. But I've been provoked yet again. This morning, I topped a blacktop hill to find a beautiful Golden Retriever running right smack dab up the center of my lane. Of course I slammed the anti-lock brakes to halt T-Hoe in his tracks. The dog was fine. He veered to my left, tongue lolling, doggy smile on his face, to rejoin his people.

That's right. It's not the dog's fault that he almost became a shiny golden pancake. He was loping along beside his people. Two pre-teens on bicycles, a woman in a golf cart, and a man on a lawnmower bringing up the rear. There was another dog behind Goldie, but I did not even notice the color, what with worrying about crushing every bone in Goldie's soon-to-be carcass.

Surely these fools must be tourists. Visitors to the country, who think anything less than a six-lane divided highway is put there for recreational purposes. That it's a winding pig trail for all to frolic, inherently safe, because we Zekes and Cletuses here in Podunk drive Flintstone log-mobiles with our bare feet, stopping at all unicorn crossings and fluffy-kitten play zones.

Several cars were backed up behind Lawnmower Jockey. Really. How fast do you think a seven-year-old on a bike can go? He was the leader of this Make Mrs. Hillbilly Mom Become Unhinged parade.

People piss me off.


Chickadee said...

Wow, I don't ever think I've seen morons driving a golf cart and a lawn mower on any kind of road and I've been all over the place.


Hillbilly Mom said...

It happens all the time in Hillmomba, but it's usually in town. Now they are branching out to the rural roads.

Kathy's Klothesline said...

I encourage my kampers to confine their golf carting to the roads in our park. He who defies me has been known to travel the mile to the gas station in our cart, though. And because of this I can name two others who have followed his unlawful example. I will say that no children were involved, though!

Hillbilly Mom said...

And hopefully, no pets loping trustingly beside them in the oncoming traffic lane.

labbie1 said...

I prefer to keep the golf cart off of the roads and use Kathy's beautifully manicured lawns instead! ;-)

labbie1 said...

Oh and my Tank does lope trustingly beside me, but on a leash!!!! On the grass...

Stupid people piss me off too! Sounds like these people had a parade without a permit--is that legal in Hillmombia?

Hillbilly Mom said...

That's what I hear.

At least you leash your dog and keep him out of traffic. Hillmomba needs to crack down on the scofflaws. And require all parade participants to throw candy.