Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Go Meat!

I am having issues with food preparation. Perhaps the issue is not so much with the actual preparation, but with the consumption. I feel like Mary Tyler Moore fretting over Veal Prince Orloff.

Farmer H is quite the carnivore. The most sensible way to feed him would be to hang a rack of brontosaurus ribs on the window of his $1000 Caravan and send him on his way, courtesy of his two feet. I know I've shared my previous run-ins with Carnivore H and his meat-eating behavior. For example, the time I brewed up a big pot of vegetable beef soup, using a roast, and caught him with a bowl piled to the rafters, of soup. That's what HE called it. To me, it looked like 7/8 of a roast with a few carrots and potatoes lining the bottom of the bowl. There was no liquid to be found in that bowl of soup.

Last week, I made a pot of sausage, cabbage, and potatoes. I put in FOUR Hillshire farms smoked sausages, of different varieties. GO MEAT! That's because I knew Carnivore H would be dipping extra meat, leaving only cabbage soup behind for leftovers. I normally chop that sausage into chunks, like maybe 8 pieces per sausage. But that doesn't fly at the Mansion, because I could toss in a whole Hillshire Farms sausage, and Carnivore H would put the whole thing in his bowl, and whine, "I only got ONE piece of meat!" So I chopped it pretty slim this time. To the tune of 32 pieces per sausage. When I dipped it up for the #1 son and I, we had 10-12 pieces of sausage in our bowls of cabbage and potatoes. That's a hefty amount of meat in itself, a third of a sausage apiece. Carnivore H serves himself from the communal pot after the young 'uns and womanfolk get theirs.

When I went to get the leftovers ready for Day 2 Of Cabbage Soup, I noticed how much sausage was missing. Granted, I had made small portions of it for #1 and I at lunch, and had ladled out a generous portion to take to my mom. But when I stirred it up, those sausage pieces were lonelier than raisins at the top of a Raisin Bran box. #1 and I deduced that Carnivore H had taken between 30 and 32 sausage pieces. THAT'S AN ENTIRE FREAKIN' HILLSHIRE FARM!

Don't think that I'm OCD, or count the food around the Mansion. I just knew Carnivore H was going to pull some crap like this, and I was ready to observe the evidence. Did I mention it to him? Nope. I learned that lesson with his leaning tower o' soup. It is unproductive, a waste of breath, burning protein calories that I can't recoup from the leftovers.

Yesterday, I made a nice pot roast with onions, potatoes, and baby carrots. I'm now on my way upstairs to warm up some onions, potatoes, and baby carrots to go with the chicken breasts that I must cook tonight for the protein part of our meal. The roast has gone missing, mysteriously.

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