Wednesday, November 3, 2010

At Least It Didn't Happen In Missouri

Having some extra time on my hands last week, while waiting for all six parents to show up each night at Parent Conferences, I reconnected with my old friend Google. I've certainly missed his stories.

A woman in Costa Mesa drove around with a mummified body.

Not just a single trip to the 7-11 for a Slurpee. No. She drove that mummy around for ten months. I wonder if that's a Guinness world record? Probably not too many people competing for that one. But then again, I never would have thought a dude would stuff 21 scorpions in his mouth for such a record, either.

It's not like Mummy was eating up the gas mileage on that 1997 Mercury Marquis. She only weighed 30 pounds when the police broke a window to extract her. Funny how death will do that to you, melt off the pounds like you're just wasting away.

Driver must be a hoarder. You know they can't throw anything away. It appears that Driver had fallen on hard times herself, so maybe she was so poor that she didn't have a house to hoard in. So she used her car. Or her dad's car, as some links noted. Driver was 57 years old, so who knows WHERE she parked her father.

This was no ordinary mummy. Mummy was not preserved with spices or wrapped in fine linen. She was more the natural type of mummy, like that cat Garage Attic Cleaner H found several years ago in my grandma's garage. And she didn't even have a cat. Ever. This one was all stiff and dried out, like beef jerky. Only not so tasty. I'm guessing.

What kind of crazy do you have to be to drive around with a stinky corpse in your passenger seat? It's not like Mummy was family. She was just a casual acquaintance, allowed to sleep in the car in December. I'm guessing she didn't run the heater. Then again, this was in Costa Mesa. Perhaps the winters are kinder there than the midwest deep freeze of Hillmomba.

Did Mummy wear a seatbelt? Or did Driver have to fling her arm out when stopping short? If you were driving a mummy around for ten months, wouldn't you have been sure not to park where you were partially blocking a driveway? Won't you be a bit hesitant--if you visit Costa Mesa, and a friend offers you a ride in a 1997 Mercury Marquis that was a steal, he tells you, an absolute bargain--hesitant to shout, "SHOTGUN!"

Crazy. But not Missouri crazy.

That concludes tonight's presentation of Driving Miss Mummy.


Kathy's Klothesline said...

I guess you just get used to the smell? Like the little old ladies with all the cats? Don't know, really.

Hillbilly Mom said...

OK, the smell is not the issue for me. She was driving around with a freaking decomposing corpse!!!

On the other hand, your attitude seems to mirror that of George Costanza when he had sex on the desk with the cleaning lady:

"Was that wrong? Should I not have done that? I tell you, I gotta plead ignorance on this thing, because if anyone had said anything to me at all when I first started here that that sort of thing is frowned upon . . . you know, cause I've worked in a lot of offices, and I tell you, people do that all the time."

Not that there's anything wrong with that. ;)

r basler said...

Hey, thanks for linking to my mouthful of scorpions item. Please come back to my blog often, and bring your friends.

p.s. Happy to see you like Scotland PA....

Bob Basler

Hillbilly Mom said...

Who can resist a mouthful of scorpions?

r basler said...

You're very funny. If you're on facebook, look me up...