Saturday, November 27, 2010

Seven From The Twenty-Fifth

I am exhausted. I've spent the entire day Christmas shopping. On line. It's more tiring than you might imagine. But considerably warmer than leaving the Mansion.

You have not been enlightened of the Hillbilly family Thanksgiving feast. I will synopsize it for you with some fun facts:

1. When Mrs. Hillbilly Mom asks you not to breathe on her with your wheezy, virus-riddled exhalations--she MEANS it!

2. An ex-mayor who thinks frozen pizza that expired in April, 2009, is still acceptable for consumption, is not one whom people would prefer to direct their municipality.

3. There is the edge, the precipice, and then the ABYSS of hoarding behavior. I think we can all agree that saving the cotton topping from pill bottles qualifies as the ABYSS.

4. In a rousing game of Scribblish, the person ahead of you has done you no favors when he writes the caption as: bread becomes toast without a plug-in, yeah!

5. Telling a youngster, "Give me some of those Pringles, Pedro" does not enamor the child of sharing his newfound bounty.

6. A 20-year-old should be able to partake, or not, of a regular Thanksgiving menu, but by no means should have chicken fries, macaroni noodles, and mac & cheese prepared separately by the hostess for her culinary pleasure.

7. Stuffing or dressing, no matter what you call it, should be sort of congealed, and not comprised of a pile of individual bread cubes that tumble about like repelling magnets.

I can hardly wait for Christmas.

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