Friday, November 12, 2010

Clubbing With Hillbilly Mom

I have an issue with a certain set of students at Newmentia. We call them the Sex Club. Unofficially, of course. Behind their backs. Though they would probably relish the title. They remind me of the kids a few years ago who had an secret club in which they kept a tally of their conquests. A contest, if you will, but different from THE CONTEST of Seinfeld fame, the difference being that the student contest was not a solo exercise, and not an exercise of abstinence. Quite the opposite, on both counts.

Anyhoo, the Sex Club is composed of girls of ninth grade age, which is just totally inappropriate and icky in the mind of Mrs. Hillbilly Mom. The majority of the Club is together in one class. Mrs. HM hears things she does not want lolling about in her brain, hears them while she is at her desk minding her own darn business. That's the thing with the Sex Club. It appears to be all about letting people know they have a Sex Club.

Mrs. HM gave them a stern lecture upon overhearing one tell another that "Missionary is against the law if the girl is not over 18." And another club member said, "Well, that's fine. It's my least favorite position." EEEWWWW! These are 14-year-old girls. Yucky poo. Not only do they talk, they also flaunt. They are the ones we have to admonish to zip up your hoodie, nobody needs to see your bidness all hangin' out like that. They push the limits.

Today in the cafeteria, LunchBuddy and HerBuddy sat down at the Sex Club table. We are always kidding HerBuddy that the ringleader is her daughter, because HerBuddy has only sons, and we think she needs the full motherhood experience. The Sex Club was a bit subdued. Instead of talking about positions, or the ringleader relating her hall walk yesterday with a condom in her mouth, they sat with hands folded. "So how was your day?" Nice conversation, suitable for high tea with watercress sandwiches. It didn't last long. One by one, as they took back their trays, the Sex Clubbers plopped down at a different table. Until only LunchBuddy and HerBuddy were left. So they rejoined the rest of us at the faculty table.

There's more than one way to skin the Sex Club.


Jennifer said...

WOW. And let me guess these 14 yr old girls don't care if the guy is 22 or so?



At least they provide you with great material to blog about.. let's hope their next club isn't Teen Mom Club.

Hillbilly Mom said...

I'm afraid that's what they're shooting for--fame and fortune on Teen Mom. They need time to be kids. They probably still went trick-or-treating this year. They've got the whole rest of their lives to be hoochies, if they so desire. But now is not the time.

Hillbilly Mom said...

Sorry I addressed you as 'Chick' in the above comment! I was thinking of my blog buddy Chickadee.

Mommy Needs a Xanax said...

My 14 year old sex stories went like this: when my mom was on the phone with the preacher's wife, we snuck to the back yard, made our way in between some corn stalks, and totally kissed. With tongue. SQUEEEEEEEEE!

I don't think I was ready for the actual act until much, much later, and neither are they. I know I sound like that preacher's wife my mom was talking to, but I'm sad for those kids. They ARE cheating themselves out of childhood, and a good number of them WILL get pregnant long before they're ready, and MTV isn't going to show up with a camera and make them famous or help pay the bills.

Hillbilly Mom said...

Mommy Ann,
Sing it, Sistah!

Today one of them said, "The word of the day is legs. Spread the word."

Another one, who must not have a book of 1970s hippie pr0n at home, started squawking, "Legs! Legs!"

The worldly hippie pr0n girl had to explain the concept to her.

I think I threw up a little bit in my mouth.