Gar Shooting 101

I have a new vice. WordFeud. It's Scrabble for the phone. Problem is, I get all wrapped up in playing it like it IS a game of Scrabble. Which means that I want to play just as soon as my opponent makes a play. That's not necessary in WordFeud. You can go 48 hours between plays.

Your phone will notify you after your opponent makes a word. That means I get right to spellin'. And then my opponent waits another 48 hours to play. I would resign from the game, but that would make me look like a loser.

I'm very good at WordFeud. I honed my skills playing computer Scrabble, against a ginormous cheater built into the computer game. For example, Computer Cheater would tell me that my word was not really a word, even when it was in the dictionary, and then VOILA! Computer Cheater would put a word right smack dab in the very locale where he had cleared my legal word. I call shenanigans!

The #1 son challenged me to a game of WordFeud on Saturday morning. It took me two hours, but I whomped him good by a margin of 235 points. Take THAT, sonny. Now tell me that your IQ is higher than mine. I taunted him throughout the match.

"This is like taking candy from my baby."
(Upon playing a word for 85 points).

"Like shooting fish in a barrel."
(This, after he played GAR for three points, and announced pointedly, like I was a foreign exchange student from Finland, or not the valedictorian of my high school class, "It's a fish.")

"You, Mr. Gar, are shooting yourself in a barrel."
(After he passed a turn to exchange three tiles).

I begged him to withdraw from the game, to put himself out of my misery. He refused. "I'm not a quitter." After hammering the final 20 points in his coffin, when I played my last i between a w and a t to make wit, which I found quite a satisfying way to end it all, #1 threatened me. "I'm going to set you up in a game with somebody who beat me really bad!"

To which I replied, "Someone like...oh...I don't know...ME?"