Thursday, June 17, 2010

Out Of The Frying Pan

Only the Hillbilly family would schedule vacation where you jump out of the 95-degree Missouri not-quite-summer into, oh...I don't know...perhaps...a not-so-well thought-out...98-degree, 104-heat-index three-day trip to Missifreakinsippi. Uh huh. That's us. When we got back into T-Hoe after a jv basketball game at 9:45 this morning, the temperature reading on T-Hoe's rearview mirror gadget was 112 degrees. I should have my own vacation show on the Travel Channel. Only Mrs. Hillbilly Mom could persuade her family to join her on a trip south for the summer. A jump out of the virtual frying pan into the literal bowels of Not-Heaven. Ooh boys, it's hot! To borrow a title from the Ozark Mountain Daredevils.

Last night at 12:00, the #1 son texted me to ask if he and his camp roommate left out their left-over pizza until morning, and then ate it, would they die. I told him no. However, this morning he stated that they didn't have air conditioning. That, coupled with the fact that it was now 11:00 a.m., made me rethink the ptomaine issue. I told him they most certainly would die, if they ate a pizza that sat out for 11 hours in the heat and humidity. Surely those boys are in an air-conditioned dorm. It's Ole Miss, for cryin' out loud. Despite its heritage and tradition, in 2010, surely Old Miss does not have unairconditioned dorms, even for their scholarship athletes. It's Missifreakinsippi, by cracky! In mid-June. That would constitute cruel and unusual scholastics. The Maricopa tent city, pink underwear, baloney sandwich, chain gang prison is more humane!

If I glow any more, I will need to be hospitalized for IV fluids. Hang a drip of D5W lactated Ringer's, STAT! (Can you tell I used to watch reruns of EMERGENCY ?)


Kathy's Klothesline said...

Grew up in that insane heat in south Georgia. No air in the schools and back then had to wear dresses to school! No air in the old farm house either, just an oscillating fan stirring the hot air. No nostalgic feelings for the good old days!

DeadpanAnn said...

Seriously? SERIOUSLY? As much money as they beg off of their alumni, they should have some damn cold a/c. Tim has personally donated enough to ensure that much. When I went to juco at Ole Miss's feeder school, Northwest, I lived in an old dorm with an air conditioner that tended to break down as soon as the temp reached the 3-digit range. It was hell.

Next time, come to Hattiesburg. 300 miles south and we tend to have temps of 5-ish degrees hotter than North Miss.

Hillbilly Mom said...

Thank the Gummi Mary, you're now in balmy Missouri. ;)

Miss Ann,
I think I shall have to pass on that offer on the grounds that I might incinerate myself.

On a side note, people in H*LL talk like movie stars. Sandra Bullock nailed that accent in The Blind Side. There was a table near us during our Holiday Inn Express breakfast with people who sounded just like ol' Sandy. Even the dude. He was carrying on with a circuitous story, ending with, "Can you imagine what Daddy woulda done if he'd a-found out?"