Only the Hillbilly family would schedule vacation where you jump out of the 95-degree Missouri not-quite-summer into, oh...I don't know...perhaps...a not-so-well thought-out...98-degree, 104-heat-index three-day trip to Missifreakinsippi. Uh huh. That's us. When we got back into T-Hoe after a jv basketball game at 9:45 this morning, the temperature reading on T-Hoe's rearview mirror gadget was 112 degrees. I should have my own vacation show on the Travel Channel. Only Mrs. Hillbilly Mom could persuade her family to join her on a trip south for the summer. A jump out of the virtual frying pan into the literal bowels of Not-Heaven. Ooh boys, it's hot! To borrow a title from the Ozark Mountain Daredevils.
Last night at 12:00, the #1 son texted me to ask if he and his camp roommate left out their left-over pizza until morning, and then ate it, would they die. I told him no. However, this morning he stated that they didn't have air conditioning. That, coupled with the fact that it was now 11:00 a.m., made me rethink the ptomaine issue. I told him they most certainly would die, if they ate a pizza that sat out for 11 hours in the heat and humidity. Surely those boys are in an air-conditioned dorm. It's Ole Miss, for cryin' out loud. Despite its heritage and tradition, in 2010, surely Old Miss does not have unairconditioned dorms, even for their scholarship athletes. It's Missifreakinsippi, by cracky! In mid-June. That would constitute cruel and unusual scholastics. The Maricopa tent city, pink underwear, baloney sandwich, chain gang prison is more humane!
If I glow any more, I will need to be hospitalized for IV fluids. Hang a drip of D5W lactated Ringer's, STAT! (Can you tell I used to watch reruns of EMERGENCY ?)