Lunchable Pranks

We have launched an ongoing lunch prank at the teacher table. A new guest, Stuart, has joined our lunch shift this year. After being bumped out of three seats the first day, he declared that our group is too territorial. We kindly informed him that we have been together for years, and are set in our ways. That Stuart is some sort of freaky Doubting Thomas. Every day, he tried to sit in the wrong seat again.

To help out new dude Stuart, LunchBuddy and her Pal whipped up some place cards for each of us. I had hoped for some colorful filigree, or perhaps Old English lettering. LunchBuddy did her best with the materials she had to work with, and created some patterned backgrounds in shades of gray. I had balloony bubbles, Mr. S had bars, and the rest of the gang escapes me. Except for Stuart. My plan called for a his name written in mustard on a cafeteria napkin. Others were not so crude, and LunchBuddy gave Stuart an actual place card, but with a generic, bare bones vibe, and no background.

I popped into the teacher workroom to dash off 30 last-minute copies of my lesson on my way to lunch. Stuart appeared, and remarked offhandedly, "It's a cruel bunch." I chuckled. I figured he must have already been to the lunch table and seen the place cards. But no. He was speechless when he found them.

Stuart brought his generic place card with him the next day. He set it down to mark his territory. I guess he just doesn't get it that nobody else wants his spot. We have our very own unofficial assigned seats.

Stuart regaled us with a story of meeting Pal's brother. "He was not at all like Pal. He had a regular conversation with me, and was very nice." I took advantage of his pause for breath, and said, "Then he pointed, and told you, 'Sit over there.' "

Thank you. I'll be here all year.