Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Bubble, Bubble, Boil And Trouble

Last night, The Pony clogged the toilet. That came as no surprise, nor did the fact that he did it right after Plumber H left for the #1 son's choir concert. I am no toilet plunger. That's Plumber H's realm.

Upon his return, Plumber H heard the breaking news, and promptly sat down in his La-Z-Boy. A behavior somehow fitting. An hour later, I asked if he had fixed the boys' toilet. Plumber H said he was just getting ready to do that.

He went about it in the usual manner. Did he use a plunger? A snake? An unbent coathanger, perhaps? No. Plumber H has his own special unclogging method. He boiled a pot of water. Or four or five, but who's counting. Poor Plumber H. He must be confusing toilet unplugging with delivering a baby. Sometimes, clean towels are involved, as well.

You would think that a man who is in charge of a maintenance department in a factory would know his way around a toilet. He can rip one out, and put one in, precious rubber ring and all, but he seems bumfuddled when it comes to unclogging one. When was the last time you called a plumber and he said, "Just a minute, let me go grab my cauldron of boiling water out of the van?" I'm guessing that answer would be: never.

Just what Plumber H thinks he is forcing through the pipes and out to the septic tank is kind of a mystery to me. Hot water? Really? Does he think he's melting chocolate? Personally, I think he's successful if it ever unclogs because of the large volumes of water with which he fills the toilet. It's all about the force of the water shoving things through.

But don't tell Plumber H. He might fancy himself making special deliveries.

5 comments:

lyssa said...

But Miz Scarlett, I don't know nuttin 'bout birthin' no babies!!!

Kathy's Klothesline said...

Like you, I don't deal with sewer issues. We have a very old system here with lots of root issues. Finally, today, after my relentless nagging we have had the city truck come in and take care of the main that had a root ball that was 8" in diameter. Cost $150 and only took them 5 minutes. He who knows absolutely everything had rented an auger at least 8 times at $60 each time and spent endless hours trying to do it himself.......... I hate to think of the money he wasted trying to do it himself. He need only listento his wife .......

Hillbilly Mom said...

lyssa,
That was my first thought when he got out the big pan.

This baby-birthin' thing must be in his genes. When our 14-year-old son split his eyebrow playing basketball, he kept screaming at me to HURRY to the hospital. I told him, "You cut your head. It's not like you're having a baby."

I don't know why he was so hysterical. He was applying pressure using a perfectly good butt towel that the coach had scooped up off the locker room floor and tossed him.


Kathy,
They just can't listen to the voices of reason. Our voices.

Thrifty H made me go three days with a bum water heater. He refused to buy a new one, even though this one is 13 years old. He and The Pony took it out behind the house and chipped the calcium deposits out of it. Thrifty H made the #1 son do that duty several years ago. Then they put in a new heating element.

I guess we have perpetual appliances here at the Mansion. Like that 14-year-old lamp that needs pliers to turn it off and on.

Do you think your stomach ailment might have something to do with the plumbing issues around your place? Like when He Who shuts off the water to work on the pipes, like when that one froze? Maybe you needed a boil order for yourself for a few days. My dad picked up a parasite drinking the water in a campground in Canada. He didn't get diagnosed for three or four months after his vacation. He just kept having stomach trouble, and losing weight. It might be worth a mention to your doctor.

I'm not a doctor, you know. But I watched every season of ER.

Kathy's Klothesline said...

Oh, my clever friend, I do not DRINK the water!!! But ........ did you say weight loss? Might be worth a try ........

Hillbilly Mom said...

Kathy,
I did not mean to imply that you drink sewer water. I seem to recall a while back that another pipe had a problem from somebody fixing it wrong with duct tape.

And when the school has its water turned off while the city waits for a new pump part, the town is on a boil order for a while. Until the lines are sufficiently flushed.