Monday, March 14, 2011

Gaping Maw Monday

I've had my fill of gaping maws today.

Two girls brought their science project to class, in order to use their cohorts as experimental subjects. The task involved sampling chocolate chip cookies made the normal way, with sugar, and another batch made with Splenda. I must say, both were quite tasty. My compliments were extended to the chefs. Their fare was much better than the hardtack crackers masquerading as Snickerdoodles last week. However, the subjects turned into bottomless pits, clamoring for more, more, more cookies, as if they were entitled. Faced with a virtual mob bearing virtual torches, the girls acquiesced. You'd think these kids never eat. But their lunch debts tell a different story.

Both the #1 son and The Pony were off to a district Math Contest today, necessitating $12 apiece for food. Not that it costs that much. They just pretend it does. The Pony had a 6-inch Subway sandwich, and THREE chocolate chip cookies. He returned $4 and change. I have yet to see a refund from #1. You'd think I never feed them at home. Why can't they just go to school and eat science projects all day? (Horn-tooting interlude: #1 won the 10th grade division, and The Pony took second in 7th grade.)

I went to run 25 one-sided copies before lunch, and was faced with a starving copy machine. I semi-filled his gaping maw with a mere 500 sheets. I'm sulking. Friday, I fed him 1000 sheets. Twice. My mama did not raise me to be Robert Irvine, serving up Dinner: Impossible to a gluttonous Kyocera.

The cafeteria proffered a new entree, which surprisingly enough was not made of chicken. Mark the calendar. I observed the ratio of regular sub sandwiches to meatball sandwiches. It appeared to be 15:1. There seems to be a student/cook trust issue. Of the kids who partook of the saucy balls, most part-took them right back to the tray window. I don't think one meatball sandwich was consumed in its entirety. Something is rotten in Newmentia when kids eat a sandwich with a plastic fork. Who do they think they are, Mr. Pitt eating a Snickers bar?

After such a relaxing day at school, I sat down to watch Pretty Little Liars, and was confronted with the gaping maw of a giant clown head. I'm not sure what festival those Liars were attending, but it's the stuff nightmares are made of. No lie.

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