It's time to get back to my roots. Lest you forget, Mrs. Hillbilly Mom's personal motto is still "People Piss Me Off." I have been a bit uncharacteristically mellow for several weeks. It's time to once again let my b*tch flag fly.
On Sunday, I had a personal encounter with a most annoying male of the species. There I was, minding my own business, trying to buy gas station chicken from a little gal with all of her teeth, when this dude strode in. He thought the joint was his own personal Cheers, perhaps, because he bellowed his greeting to one and all. They hailed him and tried to go about their business.
I had just finished asking for two breasts and two legs. The Dude spouted, "Ah, every man's dream," and commenced to snorting like an 8th-grade boy after snapping an unsuspecting cheerleader's bra on the way to social studies class. Two other customers turned to look at him as he strutted to the fountain soda area. Which was right next to my chicken-procuring counter. I feared their sickly smiles would only encourage him. I didn't look. I didn't smile. A boor is a boor. Mrs. Hillbilly Mom does not suffer boors gladly. A long-time reader might recall the Frat Boy Who Pulled Mrs. HM's Crank at Harrah's episode.
The Dude called out to the manager to hire better workers. "That one's gotta go, Chuck. She's slowing you down. And this one here, you're lucky she doesn't steal you blind." Chuck said, "That's why I'm out here, not in the office." The cashier said, "It's Sunday. Didn't you ever hear of going to church?" They gave The Dude the attention he demanded. They fawned over him. Maybe they were used to him. Maybe they make sure the customer is always right. Though they're not staying in business because of his big-spending ways. He didn't even buy chicken! Only a fountain soda.
One thing I forgot to mention about The Dude. He walked with a cane. A black metal cane, and he leaned on it good. It wasn't a prop or fancy gentleman's walking stick. So the question entered my mind, Would they treat him this way if he was a college boy with a backwards baseball cap? If he was a woman with a lady-mullet and flannel shirt with the sleeves cut off? If he was a biker in leathers with B O R N L O S E R tattooed on his knuckles? If he was a teenage girl with pink, spiky hair and nose rings? What if another persona had entered the store and shouted the same remark? What if I had turned around and said that I found his comment to be offensive? Which customer is right, then?
We'll never know. Because I didn't say anything. When you grow up with rednecks, you become accustomed to their antics. I know that I would have been just as annoyed no matter who said it. My two breasts and two legs are nobody else's business.
I really hope that they didn't humor The Dude because of his cane.
And I think I might need to seek a more upscale bistro to feed my battered poultry habit.