Pennies For Your Charity

There is a conspiracy afoot to defraud Mrs. Hillbilly Mom's class out of free pizza.

A certain club has been holding a penny drive for 4th-hour classes. My class had the entire canister filled, and in addition, had to place that canister inside a large ziplock bag filled with rolls of pennies. All of my classes, having observed canisters in other rooms, voiced the opinion that Mrs. HM's 4th hour had it goin' on, and was bound to win the pizza.

Throughout the contest, I questioned the student-powers-that-be in regard to the rules. Could we, for instance, put dollars and paper money in the canister? No. We were assured by grand poobahs in the club that only pennies were allowed. So we grew slack in our penny harvest. We lay back in comfort on the fat of our obese Pennyland. Oh, we appreciated the two key donations from the kid who moved for a week and then returned. And the girl who gave the bag chock full o' pennies, who has since been banished to alternative school. But we were not eager to stick out our necks and venture to the bank to cash in our lowly paper for pure penny goodness. That would have been folly. We were surely leading the entire pack, by cracky!

Yesterday, the pennies were harvested. Yep. A sprightly lass waltzed in carrying a gray plastic tub of the sort used to bus tables in a diner. There were five regular canisters inside the tub. I warned her that she might throw out her back with the addition of our bag/canister. She scoffed. Still, I made her set the tub on my desk while we added our plethora of pennies. Just to make sure she did not tip over from the strain.

Today, an insider told us that Mrs. Hillbilly Mom's class is in third place. And that we are only 24 cents out of second. BUT...the insider also revealed that Arch Nemesis is in the lead, and had $21 in PAPER MONEY! I call shenanigans!!!

We could easily have donated paper money. We thought it was against the rules. Same for silver. We were told that silver is subtracted, like in voting jar contests for Pie the Teacher. Now we feel cheated. It doesn't pay to go by the rules. That sponsor needs to put out the rules in writing, for all the scoffrules out there who could at least be caught and disqualified, if we had the rules in writing.

There are three days left. They were added to the contest in the hopes of harvesting more beans. And the beancounter swears that we should be the leader. Because we went by the verbal rules. It doesn't matter anyway. My teaching buddy, Mabel, is withholding her wad for the final countdown. I am confident that she will usurp the title from Arch Nemesis.

Disclaimer: there is nothing in the rules about telling a girl with $8 in penny rolls that the PE class is not allowed to participate. Really.