Sunday, March 6, 2011

A Piercing Question

I found this poll at Message in a Bloggle:

*Would you get your nose pierced?

*If your nose is pierced (probably a long shot for Mrs. Hillbilly Mom's readers), is picking difficult for you?

*If you had to have one piercing other than the ears, what would you pick, and why?

Hop on over there and leave your preference.

I would never get my nose pierced. That is oogie. How can you have something inside your nose all the time? Won't you want to pick it out? And how can you blow your nose and wipe away the snot? That's got to be painful. Like when you get one of those pimples up inside your nose, when the least little touch brings on waves of inner-nose agony, the likes of which might make a less hardy woman faint.

Nose piercing is OH SO JUNIOR HIGH. Or in these modern times, OH SO MIDDLE SCHOOL.

So I guess we've pretty much established that Mrs. HM does not have her nose pierced. Her ears, yes. And that's as far as it's gonna go. My dad almost cried when I did that back in high school. I suppose it's because he never could stand pain.

As for the last question, it disturbs me on several levels. Why does it not seem so far-fetched that we might actually be required to submit to piercing? Big Brother might need an obvious way to track us, in case On-Star and cell phones suddenly quit working. But piercing would not really be practical, because we could fill our holes with somebody else's personal low-jack device, unless those mandated piercy thingies were welded in and armed with an alarm like a home-arrest anklet.

Sigh. IF I HAD TO get another piercing, it would definitely not be my tongue. Those fools sound like idiots with that hardware bobbing around in their mouths. Whoop-ti-freakin' doo, tongue-piercers! We all know you did it to provide sexual pleasure for your partner(s). We don't need to hear the ins and outs of which piercing position pleasures women, and which pleasures men. So stop flapping your tongues about it.

Which makes me reach for the brain soap again, since that makes me think of the high school girls who won't change clothes for gym, and won't go to the bathroom at school because somebody might hear them, and would absolutely flip out and revolt if PE showers were required as they were back in my day...who go to a total stranger for a very special piercing in their nether regions. AND take a friend along to hold their hand for company.

I would not get my butt cheeks pierced together like Steve-O on Jackass. I would not get my upper ear cartilage pierced with a row of holes for tiny fake jewels, because it's already too hard to hold up my head some days when I am sleep-deprived. I would not get my bellybutton pierced because the stud/ring/freakin' full-size weightlifting barbell would disappear in my ample belly folds. And I would most certainly never ever get one of those hillbilly gangsta meth-maker nipple-to-nose chain doodads that one of my eighth-grade students longed for in the former Geographic Center of the United States.

All told, if I was required to poke another hole in my flesh, it would be an eyebrow piercing. Because people could see it, so it wouldn't be wasted. And once it was there, it wouldn't hurt or irritate tender flesh. It would be easy to keep clean.

But I would stay indoors during thunderstorms.


Kathy's Klothesline said...

My ears are pierced and I usually wear the same earrings all the time. Studs, not dangling things that could be caught on something and yanked out causing my earlobe to be forked. I do not love anyone enough to have my tongue pierced, same for my nipples and nether regions. My nose needs no other decor and the same for my eyebrow! I feel the same about tatoos. Both my girls planned an ill-fated eyebrow piercing event and made the mistake of asking "What do you think?". In public, at our place of business. Surely they should know not to ask my opinion if they didn't want to hear it. I ended my speech with "and WHEN these things get infected, and they will, DO NOT ask me to take them out for you". They got infected and I refused to help remove them.

They have tatoos, but have never asked what I think of those .....

Am I old and set in my ways?? I should add that they worked for us and were always asking for raises and time off. They worked with their dad in the sales end, while I handled the 16 technicians in the repair department. Our son worked for us, too ....... until I fired him for his poor job performance, he will tell you today that it was the best thing I ever did for him.

Tammy said...

I'm so flattered you took such an in-depth look at this piercing question! Love it, especially the last line.

Hillbilly Mom said...

Are you a crusty old curmudgeon? No. It's call Tough Love, baby. SOMEBODY needs to do it!

Well, I AM here to serve the people.

I kind of stole the idea for that last line from an ER episode where Jerry, the tall desk clerk dude, is sent out in a thunderstorm by Weaver to buy a gift. He returns later, smoking, having been struck by lightning. Again.

You don't want to tempt nature's electricity with height or metal.

Jennifer said...

my comment got lost..

it was long.

I am tired

and so very much against body piercings other then the single ear piercing.

But I am a fuddy dud... and tats?? forget about it..

Did I mention I don't do needles?

PossumManor said...

I had that little thing in my ear pieced once. It about drove me nuts. Everytime I used a Q tip I would hit it and think I had a tumor. I took it out. I am tattooed. I am really tattoed, but no one sees most of them.

Drives me crazy to see the kids play with their tongue piercings. I have one girl who I have to have repeat everything she says because of it. At least it will not leave a visible scar.

Hillbilly Mom said...

You are the voice of reason.

Imagine if we lined up the students and told them they HAD to get their tongue pierced. Can you imagine a single one that would go along with it?