The Great Evenator

Aaaaand...I'M BACK!
Didn't even know I was gone, huh? Keep it to yourself.

On Monday, Mrs. Hillbilly Mom was struck by Steven, the Great Evenator. The morning started with a flagrant twist to tip the scales in Mrs. HM's favor. Sitting in the recliner, having her 5:30 a.m. nap, already showered and dressed, having packed lunches and gathered possessions for the race to school...HM's slumber was rudely interrupted by the jangling land line. Nobody calls at 5:55 a.m. Unless it's the alarm company for Manager Of Facility Maintenance H, reporting that there has been a breech of security. Which most often has turned out to be a stray cat or wayward bird setting off the sensors in the storage building across town. The town being 30 minutes up the highway, the work town where Sleepyhead H must meet with the town police, who were also summoned by the alarm company. But no. It was not the alarm company of H.

IT WAS SCHOOL!!! NO SCHOOL!!! A water day impersonating a snow day! But even better, because who expects to get out of school on the 8th day of the school year, on a muggy morning in August? Not Mrs. Hillbilly Mom, that's for sure. The water day made even sweeter, because normally we still attend school in such an event, except we don't have water. Somebody must have learned a lesson when an anonymous narc turned us in last year.

I could not believe my good fortune. A couple of minutes later, my cell phone rang. That's the message from The Pony's school. This instant notification crap is simply delightful. I called my mom, to tell her that I was up, no need to call me if I didn't call her by 6:05 (sometimes, the Hillbilly power goes off and wreaks havoc with our alarm clocks). I let the boys sleep in, though the cantankerous #1 son arose in a huff at 6:30 and stormed into the living room to ask, "Why have I not been yelled at this morning? It's 6:30 already!" Six-thirty being the time he normally rolls out of bed, after twenty minutes of threatening. He did not believe the water day scenario, and had to check out the cell phone message. He then announced he was going back to bed, a plan that was sorely foiled by his cronies calling him every five minutes to ask if we were having school.

The Pony heard the commotion and hopped out of bed and dashed to the basement to play Wii games. I enjoyed some morning TV, cooked up some cinnamon rolls for the boys, read a book, threw in some laundry, and headed for my New Delly. Delly and I enjoyed some quality time perusing news sites and reading blogs. Until Even Steven struck.

The situation was as sad as that scene in Gremlins, when Gizmo is tooting his Christmas trumpet, and Stripe hawks a big loogie at his head. There I was, trying to sign in to Blogger and write the most scathingly brilliant post...and Blogger denied me. Cut me off cold! A real blog-blocker, that fiendish Blogger. Upon further investigation, I discovered that I could read blogs, but not comment. I could not sign in. I could not post. I could not get into gmail. I could not even load a Google search page, much less read Google news.

A conspiracy had taken all the joy out of Hillmomba. I might as well have cut off my lovely lady-mullet to buy Timekeeper H a watch fob. For his watch that he might as well have sold to buy me some fancy-schmancy combs to hold back my lovely lady-mullet. Yes. It was a virtual internetpocalypse. I had a whole day off, but sometime between noon and 1:00, I discovered that I was Googleless. Google makes my world go round. Bing and Dogpile can not compare.

Our entire Mansion was Googleless. Shiba my laptop, Lappy, The Pony's laptop, #1's Evo, ALL Googleless! #1 even switched to some other service he can get that phone to run on, and it still didn't work. And it continued to not work right up through bedtime.

Woe was me.

And for the record, we HAD school today. With no water. But Google is back.

Steven. The Great Evenator. My life is like a Seinfeld episode.