Monday, February 14, 2011

It Has Come To This

Nellie has not been herself latelty. Day in and day out, Farmer H finds her standing with her head stuck in the fence. Presumably, waiting to die. I call it a cry for help. The Pony tries to untangle her when he can, but Nellie seems heck-bent on doing herself in.

She was a woman's pet before Farmer H got his grimy hands on her. He bought her at the animal auction one Sunday, before the county closed it down. Seems that a full-time veterinarian must be on site if animal exchanges are to take place. Just to make sure no animals are harmed during bargaining. You know, so that Chinese woman that Farmer H befriended doesn't buy a lame duck to take home to eat.

Instead of living out her days as a pampered backyard companion, Nellie was turned in with Farmer H's other goats. They were animals, really. Always jumping up on top of the truck if they got loose, and butting heads, and standing on their hind legs to beg for corn when people walked by the pen. Not to mention that old goat that forced himself on Nellie, giving her twins. The black twin died shortly after birth, which may have sent Nellie spiraling into postpartum depression.

Nellie has always been a quiet sort, her long white hair never out of place, her blue eyes mocking the amber ones of the common goats. With no outlet, it was bound to come to this. Nellie has no one to tell her problems to. She can not write poetry. She has no gas oven. So every day, she wedges her head into the fence that was made to house hogs. A fence that is not goat-friendly, but which does not wreak havoc with the other goats' horns. Their horns curve way backwards, not out. They can finesse their way out of the fence if need be. Not Nellie.

Thank the Gummi Mary, I talked Farmer H out of his plan to saw off Nellie's horns last summer. That could lead to pain and blood loss. News to Farmer H. Who only recently discovered that goats are herd animals, you know.

I am not overly optimistic about this solution. Is it just me, or does that tape look a little loose? What's to keep the other goats from eating it off Nellie's head? They finished my rose bushes last month. And today they were working on the yuccas. Any new treat is irresistible to them.

We have enough acreage to let the goats run free. However, they scoff at property lines. And don't understand that porches are for people. And chickens.

Poor Nellie. I hope she's never read Black Beauty.


lyssa said...

There are no words.

Hillbilly Mom said...

Only Nellie's unspoken words.
"Help. Me."

Jennifer said...

Whoaaa Nelly

Jennifer said...

I feel greatly for poor poor Nellie

Hillbilly Mom said...

Nellie thanks you for feeling her pain.

Kathy's Klothesline said...

Is that duct tape?

Jennifer said...

Nellie at least is not lunch or dinner for someone. SO I guess for that she should be greatful.

But still..I might start the Poor Nellie Foundation to free her from ridiculous embarassment.

Hillbilly Mom said...

I prefer to think of it as yellow electrical tape. So it's more special for Nellie. So she's not the goat with a board duct-taped to her head.

My teaching friend, Basementia Buddy, laughed her butt off at poor Nellie's expense. She said to call her when a chicken starts sitting on Nellie's traveling perch.

I like the Poor Nellie Foundation. Can you envision T-Shirts with her pitiful HELP ME face?

Cazzie!!! said...

I cannot help but laugh at this post, not on accont of poor Nellie's post partum depression and suicidal tendencies, but because our first goat, Billie the goat, was gifted to us from a lady who had him as a pet. Husband is over the moon about Billie, so much that he walks him along on a lead from time to time, as you would a pet dog! Even though Billie is out on a 100acre property right now.. with 13 girls that we bought him to "play" with! Gosh these goats do funny things. We have three girls in our back yard here.. Charlotte (who had Bebe), Bella (who lost the twins) and Maggie (who is ready to have her kids any day now>

Hillbilly Mom said...

Funny how the men adore these animals. We have one old goat named Longhorn (because he has long, straight horns) that looks menacing. But he's the sweetest thing ever. No doubt because his baby-making apparatus has been removed. He's more nurturing to the kids than the females without kids of their own. Still, I tell my boys to be cautious around him. Animals are always animals, no matter how much we'd like to give them human feelings and motives.