Woe is one Mrs. H. Mom, who returned home to the Mansion at 5:45 p.m., after a hard day toiling in the salt mines teaching freshmen how to switch amongst Fahrenheit, Celsius, and Kelvin temperatures, and who stayed after work to work for an extra two hours and four minutes (but who's counting) while waiting for The Pony to be released from Academic Team practice, only to find Mr. H. Husband lolling about in the La-Z-Boy awaiting sustenance.
Like a baby bird with its mouth open, though nowhere nearly as cute and fuzzy, HH was gasping his last gasp, sure to expire within the hour if HM did not hunt, catch, eat, and regurgitate a snake into his mouth on the spot.
Shame on Mrs. HM for asking to see the weather as soon as she crossed the threshold. Could she not observe that the King of the Mansion was watching All in the Family? How dare she interrupt a forty-year-old sitcom for the current weather forecast! How could the King not understand that weather is the bread and butter of school teachers in early February?
King HH decreed that he had already SEEN the weather, so there was no need for Mrs. HM to see it. After all, it was the same forecast that had been broadcast for the past two days [he said], thus no further inquiries were necessary. Forgetting the fact that the King himself had phoned HM at 4:15 to ask, "Is it snowing?" After much verbal sparring and mental arm-wrestling, Mrs. HM wrested control of the TV from the King. Who declared that he was done with All in the Family, done, done, done, and was headed to town anyway, and would warm up his own supper when he returned.
Mrs. HM dared start an inquisition into the reason for this town pilgrimage, to which King HH snarled, "To get you a birthday card!" Well, then. We all can see that this is one from the heart. Such a selfless ruler, our King HH.
I'm betting that he returns with an empty Little Caesar's box. But then, I'm cynical like that.