Saturday, May 15, 2010

Between The Devil And The Livestock Auction

I told Annoying Underfoot H to go to The Devil...and he did! Personal Shopper H is at this very moment traipsing through the labyrinth of The Devil's Playground, picking from a list I gave him. I hope this turns out better than the last time I sent him to the store with a list, way back before we built the Mansion, when he lost the list, and came home with $35 worth of cookies and ice cream and other snacks, because he couldn't remember exactly what was on the list.

It's the least he can do for me, really, after returning from the livestock auction last week with 17 new chickens. Seriously. Seventeen. Which he neglected to tell me about until I heard a new little rooster trying to crow. Believe me, I must have some spectacular hearing to notice that little twerp out of the other 11 roosters that we have.

What's that?
A rooster.
I know. But it's new.
What do you mean?
He can't even crow.
Well, I got a little rooster.
There are two like that.
One is a hen. I had to take the pair.
You have enough roosters.
But look how pretty they are.

Then I noticed him tending to the cage that once held the six striped-like-a-chipmunk chicks, who have since been moved to a larger pen. A pen where Chicken Pimp H also put the remaining hens, because those 11 roosters have worn all the feathers off their backs.

What's in there.
Some chicks.
Where did they come from.
The auction.
You told me you weren't going to buy any more.
Well, they were only 85 cents apiece. I couldn't pass that up.
You promised.
I only got 11. (since then, I found out from The Pony it was 15)
You promised.
They had the cutest little donkey for $45.
Where is he?
I didn't buy him because I knew you'd be mad.
You would love that little donkey.
We have too many animals.
He could go in the goat pen.
Get rid of the goats. Seven is too many.
I could get rid of some goats to get a couple of donkeys.
Get rid of all the goats and get one donkey.
I will keep two goats. Maybe three.
Not if you want a donkey.
I might take some roosters to sell.
You will take some roosters to sell. And those rabbits.
Yeah. The rabbits aren't doing anything but sitting in a cage.
Neither are the chickens.
They eat bugs.

It's no use trying to argue with a hoarder.


Kathy's Klothesline said...

Do you at least get eggs? My grandmother could kill a chicken with one flip of the wrist. When you had fried chicken at her house it was fresh! Of course I developed relationships and named the chickens and was loathe to eat them. The eggs, however........... Goat milk cheese? Rabbit stew? But, the donkey has me stumped..........

Hillbilly Mom said...

We get about 5 eggs a day. Last spring, we were getting 9-10 a day, until Chicken H hauled home an auction batch of chickens and turned them all in together. One of them had a cough, and soon our whole flock of leghorns wasted away from the sickness. It was a tough time for The Pony.

We get nothing from the rabbits or the goats. They just eat and poop. Menagerie Minder H wants the donkey because he's cute. He almost bought a little stud horse for $60. A guy bought him and sold him back for $40, because he had no place to keep him. Neither does Land Baron H. I told him we would have to geld that colt, and that somebody would have to break him, and that you can't even ride him until he's three. In the meantime, we'd have to put up fence and feed him. Not exactly a bargain.