I still have something stuck in my craw. The bone of contention, the thorn in my side, the wad in my panties, the bug up my butt, the fly in my ointment, the rain on my parade, the yank on my chain, my kettle of fish, my can of worms, my sticky wicket, the issue which I am willing to touch with a 10-foot pole is the unauthorized abduction of my school laptop.
Yeah. I know it's not my property. I know the user can't use my log-on and get into my stuff. I realize that my school laptop was returned after school, on a day when I was not even there to use it. But that doesn't make it right, by the unwritten tenets of Hillmomban society.
I feel violated, victimized, taken advantage of. It's as if my leg was peed upon and a pre-recorded weather report told me it was raining. It's like a bully kicked sand in my face and then gave me an atomic wedgie just before gracing me with a titty-twister while bending my arm behind my back. I feel like Charlie Brown after Lucy held the football.
Something is rotten in the kingdom of Hillmomba. And it ain't Mrs. Hillbilly Mom. Imagine, if you will, that Mrs. HM waltzed into the classroom of Mr. S and took his school laptop for the day, without asking permission, never intending for him to find out. Then imagine what would happen to Mrs. HM if Mr. S complained to a superior. Uh huh. Mrs. HM would get a butt-chewin'.
Things don't work that way if the victim is Mrs. HM. So it is a waste of time to bring up the issue. That dog won't hunt. Mrs. HM doesn't have a leg to stand on. Toughen up, buttercup. This squeaky wheel won't get any grease. Some laptop stealers are more equal than others. The proof is in the pudding. Mrs. Hillbilly Mom will be the one who doesn't work and play well with others. Mrs. HM brought it all upon herself by flaunting her laptopness in a manner which Arch Nemesis could not resist. Mrs. HM should know to take her laptop off the dock and cover it with its own special case and put it out of sight under lock and key surrounded by a moat teeming with snapping alligators in the event that she will be out of her classroom. That succulent laptop must not be exposed to the lascivious leers of laptop-stealing addicts jonesin' for an extra portable internet connection.
Hey! Teacher! Leave laptops alone!