Friday, May 14, 2010

Still Stewing In My Own Juices

I still have something stuck in my craw. The bone of contention, the thorn in my side, the wad in my panties, the bug up my butt, the fly in my ointment, the rain on my parade, the yank on my chain, my kettle of fish, my can of worms, my sticky wicket, the issue which I am willing to touch with a 10-foot pole is the unauthorized abduction of my school laptop.

Yeah. I know it's not my property. I know the user can't use my log-on and get into my stuff. I realize that my school laptop was returned after school, on a day when I was not even there to use it. But that doesn't make it right, by the unwritten tenets of Hillmomban society.

I feel violated, victimized, taken advantage of. It's as if my leg was peed upon and a pre-recorded weather report told me it was raining. It's like a bully kicked sand in my face and then gave me an atomic wedgie just before gracing me with a titty-twister while bending my arm behind my back. I feel like Charlie Brown after Lucy held the football.

Something is rotten in the kingdom of Hillmomba. And it ain't Mrs. Hillbilly Mom. Imagine, if you will, that Mrs. HM waltzed into the classroom of Mr. S and took his school laptop for the day, without asking permission, never intending for him to find out. Then imagine what would happen to Mrs. HM if Mr. S complained to a superior. Uh huh. Mrs. HM would get a butt-chewin'.

Things don't work that way if the victim is Mrs. HM. So it is a waste of time to bring up the issue. That dog won't hunt. Mrs. HM doesn't have a leg to stand on. Toughen up, buttercup. This squeaky wheel won't get any grease. Some laptop stealers are more equal than others. The proof is in the pudding. Mrs. Hillbilly Mom will be the one who doesn't work and play well with others. Mrs. HM brought it all upon herself by flaunting her laptopness in a manner which Arch Nemesis could not resist. Mrs. HM should know to take her laptop off the dock and cover it with its own special case and put it out of sight under lock and key surrounded by a moat teeming with snapping alligators in the event that she will be out of her classroom. That succulent laptop must not be exposed to the lascivious leers of laptop-stealing addicts jonesin' for an extra portable internet connection.

Hey! Teacher! Leave laptops alone!


Kathy's Klothesline said...

I am right there with you! I feel the same way about the man who just waltzed non-chalantly into my store with his dog..... past the nicely worded sign asking to please keep your animals outside. The sign wordage is already being re-done and tomorrow there will be no doubt in your mind that I do not want your anim al in my store. I like dogs, some will even tell you that I love dogs. So much so that a certain dog I love has his very own blog. That being said, I don't like the chaos that ensues when my dogs, who are behind the half door leading into my home smell and hear the other dogs in the store. I don't take my dogs to the RV's and invade their space, do I? No, I do not!

Thank you, that was very cathartic. I can no longer do this on my blog to such extent.......... when you google my campground, my blog comes up, too! I may have to start another blog just to be able to vent!

Sorry about the laptop event. I understand that you would feel violated.

Hillbilly Mom said...

Perhaps you could take your dogs out for a walk late at night, right near that dude's RV.

I had the #1 son look up the last log-in on my laptop, and it was TechDude. Maybe he will dole out some electronic justice to the culprit. I purposely asked him the laptop usage policy without mentioning any names. Curiosity is a harsh mistress.