Factoid Central

Little-Known Facts From The Mansion

1. Baby goats are as cute as a bug's ear, cute enough to break the Cute-O-Meter, so cute you want to pick them up and squeeze the innards out of them. We have a new addition this evening, as of 6:40 p.m. He or she is a black little frisky thing with a white star on the forehead, chewing leaves before it could stand up, nursing like a machine, and toppling over in a heap when trying to scratch its nose with a hind foot.

2. People who have their throats cut should not live up a mile of gravel road.

3. Time has no meaning when you are on summer vacation and painkillers.

4. A survey of recent recipients of thyroid lobectomies reveals that the most palatable foods are orange Jello and Oscar Meyer Beef Bologna on Wonder 100% Whole Wheat with Kurtz mustard.

5. A 12-year-old who leaves the goatside watch to see if his DiGiorno Rising Crust Cheese Pizza is done feels cheated when he returns five minutes later to find that the miracle of birth has occurred in his absence, much like a young 'un sent next door on Christmas Eve to see if Santa has visited the neighbors yet, only to find upon return that he just missed Santa at his own house.

6. Hillbillies recuperating from surgery have been found to be a bit lax in the dietary department, opting for convenience over nutrition.