Monday, June 6, 2011

Day 4 of H-cation: The Ill Wind

What I won't miss during the current H-cation...

Day 4 of H-cation:

4. The Ill Wind

Nights are a bit more restful during my staycation. And not only because the early-rising sheet thief is away. I can sleep without gale-force winds sucking the air from my lungs.

On a normal night, Farmer H slaps on his breather and glides the jet stream to dreamland. I, on the other hand, fight for breath. I would prefer my own air source, rather than the recycled gases of Farmer H. Is that too much to ask? That I be allowed to inhale and expel the life-sustaining 21% oxygen, 78% nitrogen mixture as nature intended? Without the backwash of extra carbon dioxide from Farmer H's breather? I think not.

I can only lay on my side with my back to him for so long. There comes a time when I must roll over and expose myself to the vapor trail emitted from Farmer H's lungs by way of the breather. I've tried making a barrier of the blanket, since it is already pulled up higher than my head. That does not work. A blanket wall is wont to collapse on my face and smother me more than re-breathed air. The most workable solution that I've found, when the wind comes whistling down the mattress, is a small wall comprised of a folded hand towel. I prop it on the side of my face, and it redirects the breather exhaust stream up and over my face. I don't feel it. I don't have to suck in the straight exhalation of Farmer H. I get a small pocket of room air over my mouth and nose. At least long enough to go to sleep, before the wall comes tumbling down.

And now, for the more indelicate matter of the second ill wind...let's just say that I was introduced to it on my first mini-vacation to Branson with Farmer H, who announced proudly, "Let me show you my Dutch Oven."

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