Who's up for a rousing round of Hillbilly Trivia? Anybody...anybody...Bueller...you there! You with your head down, trying to avoid my eyes! Gather your most knowledgeable cronies for moral support, and let's play.
Answer the following questions as if you were a hillbilly:
1. What do you do with the possum you find in the driveway, the possum who is clearly not playing possum, as evidenced by his unchanged position 8 hours later?
2. What is the Number One vacation destination for hillbillies?
3. What do you do with your old refrigerator when you buy a new one?
4. How do you hold open the broken back hatch door of your large SUV?
5. What do you do about two "wild" pigs that your dogs are chasing around the yard?
6. If a neighbor threatens to shoot you, what do you do?
7. What is a good Mother's Day gift for your wife?
8. What do you do with a road-kill turkey?
9. The best use for a cedar-shaving-filled pillow that comes with the new dog house is...
10. An artificial Christmas tree should be put away during what month?
1. Chuck that possum down a sinkhole, or toss it over your neighbor's fence.
2. Hillbillies flock to Silver Dollar City and Branson.
3. Put your old fridge on the porch for a week, then cart it over to your BARn.
4. Prop up that hatch with a crutch.
5. Wild pigs should be put in the BARn until you ask your wife if you can take one up the road to the freelance butcher and make it into sausage, and build a pen for the other one until you need more sausage. Or until your wife tells you they are pot-bellied pigs, most likely escaped pets from a neighbor.
6. Call the sheriff and tell his deputies when they come to interview you that the guy threatened to shoot you, and if he comes onto your land, then by cracky YOU are going to shoot HIM.
7. A $3 change purse and a box of Snowcaps always makes a memorable gift for that woman in your life.
8. Cook it in a pan of vegetable oil on a Coleman camp stove with the help of a blowtorch.
9. Use it on your own bed. Why should the dog have a newer pillow than you?
10. That's a good question. The Christmas tree is still up.