Tuesday, June 21, 2011

A Writ For A Rat

Hoarder H thinks somebody has been stealing his stash. He is down nine mousetraps. He put them in the BARn, and now they have gone missing. Some tiny medicine bottles are also AWOL. According to Judge, Jury, and Executioner H, the perpetrator is a pack rat. He stopped short of the John Wayne Rooster Cogburn True Grit rant about a rat writ, writ for a rat.

Some further investigation by Investigator Hillbilly Mom turned up a map of the pack rat habitat. We are not located in the pack rat area. Perhaps a city pack rat came to visit a country mouse without notifying the rat habitat map-makers.

Hoarder H explained, "I cleaned out a bunch of pack rat stuff last night. I was going to take the mousetraps to the cabin tonight, and now they're gone. Along with a bunch of little medicine bottles. And two big sticks are back! I just cleaned them out! Those mousetraps were in a box. It had pictures of mice on it. It has to be the pack rats. Those mousetraps can't just disappear."

Picture Hoarder H presenting his case to the jury. I will play the Devil's Advocate, the Pack Rat public defender. "You Honor, the esteemed Mr. H would have you believe that my client discovered his stash of sticks missing. In a fit of pique, he stole a box of nine mousetraps. He knew they were mousetraps, because he saw the pictures of mice on the box. He then took some tiny medicine bottles for good measure. Not because he has an addiction, but because he wants to improve his personal hygiene with the ancient perfume scent that lingers in these tiny medicine bottles. Then, Your Honor, my client brought in two sticks and put them in the area Mr. H had cleaned the night before. Just to show Mr. H who's the boss. He carefully hid the box of mousetraps and the tiny medicine bottles in a new location, a location so secret that Mr. H, builder of the BARn, and frequenter of said BARn for the past thirteen years, could not find them. That, Your Honor, is one smart pack rat."

How votes the jury?

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