Thursday, June 23, 2011

A Tiny Little Fire In The Mansion Kitchen

I made a little mistake this evening. No need to mark the calendar. Mrs. Hillbilly Mom's mistakes are not as rare as solar eclipses. They're like buses. Another one will be along in about 20 minutes. This one ranks right up there with trying to save the ground squirrel from a cat by putting it in a tree, and stepping into the shower with my socks on, and cooking the pizza with the cardboard still under it.

Yes, it's mostly like that last one. I was boiling a big pan of water on the front burner, getting it ready to drop in some tasty ears of corn, when I spied some crumbs lingering around the stove top. Who knows what they could be from? Perhaps from some garlic toast last night to go with the tower of soup that I served for supper.

Anyway, I grabbed a paper towel to wipe up the mess, and wouldn't you know it, a corner of that select-a-size scooted under the pan, onto the red-hot burner, and exploded into flame. Good thing Mrs. Hillbilly Mom is cool in a crisis. Aside from the bloodcurdling scream that brought The Pony running to assist, the conflagration was handled in a most appropriate manner. I whisked that paper towel up over the stove, specifically the pan of water, so as not to fling flames onto the oven mitt laying on the counter, or the box of Puffs with Aloe, or the bill and letter holder overflowing with paper products. I dangled it over the boiling water, ready to plunge it into the roiling liquid. Thank the Gummi Mary, that flame flickered out in the steam, leaving a charred little section smirking at me from my own hand.

I might want to reconsider the objects on my countertop.


Kat said...

I have done the same exact thing, complete with the bloodcurdling scream that was probably a curse word. I also have a nice little collection of hot pads with scorched corners from touching the burners. I like to think of it as an embellishment, LOL.

Hillbilly Mom said...

At least I didn't burn my arm, like my son did when taking some hot wings out of the oven. Right after I told him to be careful not to burn his arm. Apparently, the hot-stove-stupidity is genetic. That boy needs an oven sleeve, not just an oven mitt.

Mommy Needs a Xanax said...

Poisoning the dog with the wasp killer, nearly burning the kitchen down. You're on a roll.

I could not believe this story when I heard it but my sister's friend was nearly killed by flaming pan of french fries! She was frying some french fries for her son when the pan caught fire. She tried to grab the pan with some oven mitts and carry it outside, but the oven mitts caught fire and she dropped the pan-- then she tripped on the grease that had hit the floor, and then fell backwards onto the flaming pan/hot grease. She ended up with 3rd degree burns, a broken femur, and a completely shattered ankle. She's been in the hospital in Memphis for a couple of weeks now having surgeries and skin grafts. I knew fried foods could kill you but I thought it was a slower process. I have a fire extinguisher under the cabinet by the oven, and if I can't get to that there are always at least 2 bags of flour in the freezer. Plan C is to just grab the kids and RUN!

Hillbilly Mom said...

Well, that is a much better story than poisoning the dog and letting my flaming paper-towel flag fly. Perhaps when she heals, I can buy her story to use in my memoir, like J. Peterman bought Kramer's life stories.

Watch out for that flour. It can cause a flash fire, same as any cloud of tiny particles like powder or sawdust. A big boomy flash like when you peel open a 500-pack of Black Cat Firecrackers and pile up the powder and link up a few fuses and next thing you know you're a gunslinger in your best suit blinded after that flashy thing illuminated you for a photograph.

We had a sawdust powder fire in the tech building a couple of years ago. Nobody's fault. Nobody hurt. A spark from a saw ignited it. A flukey cooincidence. Unless somebody's karma was Even Stevening him.